Reports from the Bunker

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Posts Tagged ‘Light

More rough work drafting

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I would stand in the pure light, bare and arms outstretched

touched by and touching many, flesh and flesh and joyous flesh

but longing, aching, drawing always back, flesh, heart and soul to you

your illuminating touch, and sweet breathe of love is the wind 

upon which I will thread the eye of the needle and be carried off 

into the light pure light of heaven, to wander eternal with you

hand in hand without fear, worry or pain; dancing, laughing with my angel

having been turned upon the lathe of heaven, but perfected by you

My one thought, brightest light, beautiful sky; home of my soul. 


Faith – the Word and the women will save me and drag me out of my darkness


Written by jamesjanus

March 22, 2013 at 6:19 pm

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On Love

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Love, in my darkest hours I was never really able to bring myself to give up on it. To some people’s great confusion, there I would be, a cynical, venomous and bitter drunk, telling people to hold onto love, to seek love, to allow themselves if necessary to be burned by it. Of course, I seldom truly followed that advice and always protected my own heart, but that is another matter.

Many people, perhaps even most, would tell you that nothing is more potent, more powerful or more important than love and they would be correct. Love, beyond anything else, benefits childhood and helps us grow into positive, strong adults. Love can make hard times easier and keep kindness, compassion and hope alive in our hearts.  Love can give us courage and transform us from shrinking, wilting shadows, into fearless, dreaming, living angels, soaring toward our best potential. Love binds families made of otherwise incompatibly different people together.

The love of children can relight the flames of imagination, determination and innocence in your soul and move it to become more of a guardian and protector that you ever thought possible.  The love of the right woman or man can bring you to know that while you may have learned to love your own solitude, you were incomplete in it before there was that other soul, across the chasm to reach out to. My solitude was a nightmare and a prison because there was nothing to reach out to that made me feel safe, until the right woman came along.

Love is the most powerful force in the Universe and perceived as the most elusive, we all spend our days pursuing it. It also happens that it is the most invisible when looked for and the most taken for granted when we have it.  A year ago, I married the most wonderful woman, when I indulge my solitude, she worries but remains and waits and when I reach out, her hand is there and the place she pulls me to is safe, with a hand to hold and ears to listen.  I have the love of two wonderful children and a one wonderful woman and I hope that I never take that love for granted, for I can think of no greater gift to waste and no worse sin than that.

If you listen, if you accept that it is ever present, always there. If you appreciate, really and truly appreciate it and do no take it for granted, you might understand and you might find peace, salvation and happiness. There is a power out there that is greater than us, maybe it is just love, maybe it is where love issues from, but it loves you. There are people out there that love you, more that want to love you, if you can learn to let them, if you can open up, disregard the fear.

This has been my experience, I am an alcoholic and love has saved me. The love of some strangers who brought me to the light started it. I will never know why perhaps, but the ease with which I let my guard down to Kim and let my real self be revealed and the continuing struggle to stay there, because the world is frightening to me, but Kim, she always draws me back to the light with her love.

I am resolved to be stronger this year, to do better allowing that love to fill me with courage and gratitude and hope and strength, because it can and it will if you let it.

Thanks you friends, thank you god and thank you so, so much Kim – you and the fellas are the light in my soul and the love in my heart!



Written by jamesjanus

December 29, 2011 at 3:54 pm

Posted in Kids, Kim, Love

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